DavidDStudents.com… Sup guys?  I just want to say thank you for a great year.  I think all of you are great guys, have great intentions, and are on the right track.

Jason asked me to do the latest blog so I wanted to write something decent.  I’ve been skirting around this idea on the board so I at least want to go more in depth this time.

I imagine many of you have seen the movie, “Pay it forward”.  If you haven’t, or you forgot what it was about, the central theme was based around an idea of helping other people without asking for anything in return.  The movie had a few more guidelines to it, but the version I want to talk about is summed up in the previous sentence. 

You may be asking, “What on EARTH does this have to do with dating and seduction?!”  In my mind, the single most important thing when approaching women, interacting with women, dating women, or having relationships with women is whether or not you are happy.  To put it in other words, your level of SELF-SATISFACTION is perhaps the most critical factor in successfully interacting with women.  Do you like who you are? 

I suppose I can only speak from my own experience, but I think it is possible for people to deceive themselves into THINKING they like themselves, but at a core level they do not.  I’ve said it before, but most of the, “Inner Game” work suggested in PUA programs deals almost exclusively with the mind.  By that I mean I get the impression that people expect you to, “like yourself” simply by changing your inner dialogue.  I get the impression that I am supposed to simply, “Convince” myself that I am a great person, and then I’ll have the confidence I’ve always dreamed of. 

The problem with this is that I’ve found it ineffective.  I’m 25 years old.  Can I really CONVINCE myself that I am 10 years old by telling myself that over and over?  I am not trying to suggest changing your self-talk is worthless.  I think it is CRITICAL, but, as they say, “The buck DOESN’T stop here”. 

So what can we do PRACTICALLY to change the way we FEEL about ourselves?  What PRACTICAL steps can we take to AUTHENICALLY change our level of self-satisfaction?  A good guy I know named Johnny Soporno (Who also happens to be INCREDIBLY good with women) said, “The most important thing I have going for me… is that I really love me”.  “I do a lot of really nice things for a lot of people.  I do them because doing nice things for people makes me feel good about myself”.  So in essence, what he is saying is almost like a business transaction.  Do something nice for someone and you receive feeling good about yourself.  It is really too simple isn’t it?

I suppose different people base their self-esteem in different things.  One person might base their self-esteem on whether they are good at their job or not.  Some might base it on how many phone numbers they get from women.  I’m not making any moral judgments here, but PRACTICALLY speaking I think if you base it on those two examples I mentioned you are setting yourself up to have sporadic self-esteem at best.  Women don’t always want to give us their phone numbers.  Sometimes things at our work do not go the way we want them to.  However, for the most part you can ALWAYS be good at finding things to help other people with.  There will always be someone who needs you to take them to lunch because they can’t drive.  There will always be someone on the side of the road who needs help changing a flat.  There will always be someone who needs you to mow their grass, and even if they refuse your help you will still feel better about yourself by offering it.

However, THIS POINT IS CRITICAL… you must do it without asking for anything in return, and that means even in your heart!   If you do it without asking for anything, but in your heart CRAVE to be rewarded for your efforts, you loose.  The business transaction for feeling good has failed.  The reason is that people are resentful towards those who try and manipulate people for things.  You do not want people to feel obligated to do something for you, but rather you want people to do things for you because they genuinely want to.

So sometimes you will do things for others, and they’ll simply accept your help, and that’s it.  They might not pay you 20 bucks for taking them to lunch.  The girl you helped change her flat tire might not give you a kiss, and THAT IS OK!  The truth is, YOU ARE STILL GETTING SOMETHING!  You are getting feeling good about yourself, and honestly what could be more valuable than that? 

The great thing about this is that it has a, “Snowball effect”.  In other words, the more people you help, the more feeling good about yourself you get.  The rewards are only limited by you.  You could quite quickly go from feeling average to being in love with yourself.  It is really up to you.

Of course, it is important that we do not let others take advantage of us.  Johnny Soporno says he only helps those who are worthwhile.  I think what he means by that is that he is not going to help someone who is simply going to waste his investment.  I do not think buying a homeless person more alcohol is helping someone in a worthwhile way.  So there needs to be limitations on how and who you choose to help.  I think a good barometer of knowing what is appropriate is if you begin to feel resentful of what you are doing.  At that point, I would suggest reconsidering your actions.

So you can take this for what it is worth.  If you think its nonsense, and you are happy with where you at, so be it.  I personally have found this to be a very affective way of changing my level of self-satisfaction, which has also benefited me in the rest of my life.  It places part of your self-esteem in YOUR HANDS!  It doesn’t leave it in the hands of things we can not control. If you like what I am saying, check out Johnny Soporno’s take on this, watch the movie, "Pay It Forward", and post some great stuff on DavidDStudents.com!

Wow...what a day...

I'm doing some CRAZY website updates and gearing up to the release the Brent
interview VERY soon.I also just got back from Las Vegas. In short, I miss it
there already and in the back of my mindam toying with the idea
of moving there.

However, after listening to my interview with Brent, as I prepare to release it, I decided something.

In the interview he mentioned a topic, that I bet a lot of guys could really BENEFIT from reading a blog about. So let's hammer this out FAST.

Today I want to talk about, the concept of, "The Law of Attraction." If you don't know what it is, this will be a PERFECT introduction. If you are familiar with it, consider this a refresher.

Either way is FINE.

So here we go:

The Law of Attraction states people experience the corresponding manifestations of their predominant thoughts, feelings, words, and actions and that people therefore have direct control over reality and their lives through thought alone. A person's thoughts (conscious and unconscious), emotions, beliefs and actions are said to attract corresponding positive and negative experiences "through the resonance of their energetic vibration."

So, in short, The "law of attraction" states "you get what you think about; your thoughts determine your experience."

Now the question is obviously, if my thoughts control what happens to me, how do I control my thoughts? What can I work on to get this area of my life under control?

Well, there are four things you can do:

   1. Know what one desires and ask the universe for it. (The "universe" is mentioned broadly, stating that it can be anything from God to an unknown source of energy.)

   2. Focus one's thought upon the thing desired with great feeling such as enthusiasm or gratitude.

   3. Feel and behave as if the object of one's desire is on its way.

   4. Be open to receiving it.

According to one source I found, they said something very powerful, that goes right along with the above four things. They said:

"Acknowledge your true feelings and then ask what can you do about it. You have to love yourself before you expect others to love you.

If you keep thinking the same thoughts, you will keep having the same negative emotions. Your action will not be different from the past and you will attract more negative circumstances."

This lines up PERFECTLY with EVERYTHING Brent was talking about in the interview.

That is about all for now. If you are interested in this FASCINATING topic, I suggest checking out the movie, "The Secret" or reading the book of the same name. Both address this topic in depth and explore how to use "The Law of Attraction" to get the kind of life YOU want!

Remember, the Brent interview is COMING VERY SOON! Keep looking out for that.

The celebration is ALMOST here.

See you around the board,
Jason

 Sources:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Law_of_attraction

http://secretofunlimitedprosperity.com/21/law-of-attraction-the-secret-to-control-your-thoughts-day-2/

The Secret "Movie"

OK guys. Jason here. I know it has been one million years since the last blog was posted. However, with some great resources, my own experiences and computer, I composed this 2 part blog series dedicated to BODY LANGUAGE - to get you equipped for the summer months around the corner!

 Enough talk. Here we go. How do you express confidence? Is it the way you walk? Is it the way you stand? Is it the way you sit? Sure. It is all of those things. However, you express confidence by first having one KEY BELIEF.

What is that belief? Well, in short, you need to believe anything you are going to say or do WILL WORK. If you don't believe in yourself, or your path, why should a hot woman? The fact is: women are very tuned in to what their role is supposed to be, in any given situation.

Here in example of what I'm talking about:
I had been involved with a woman for awhile. We were shopping together one day, and I told her I was going out of town in a couple of days. She suddenly got really clingy. She mentioned how she wished I wasn't going. I just smiled. As we were shopping, we passed some DVDs and I saw one of  the DVDs we passed was - "Charlie's Angels II." (In the movie, one of the main female characters does a sexy dance. If you don't know what I'm talking about - go rent it!) Anyways, I picked it up and said, "I'm going to buy this movie as a gift for you to watch, while I'm gone. Over and over. You need to study it." She smiled at me and quickly accepted her role in this situation.  She said, "OK" and gave me this look like, she knew there was more to what I was saying. At that moment in time, there wasn't. I had nothing. I didn't know where I was going with that remark. However, because I felt confident with myself and the whole situation, I flipped over the DVD case and thought of the dancing scene. My quick response was, "The dance scene." She just looked at me and cracked a smile. I continued, "You gotta learn the dance scene for me. I'm going to buy you this DVD and you need to learn those moves. You can show them to me when I get back." She took the DVD and smiled ear to ear. End of story.

Now why did that work? Well, it had NOTHING to do with my body language. Yet it had everything to do with body language at the same time. How is that possible? Well, I had the belief that was needed. I believed what I was about to say was going to work, and therefore it did. Easy enough.  Now, the body language can only be good following that belief. Have you ever seen a totally secure and confident person with BAD body language? Nope. The fact is: Once, you have the belief down, the body language becomes a detail. The belief becomes the main idea, so to speak.

So how do you get this belief? Well that is tricky. However, what works best for others, that have talked to me about it, and for myself personally, is to, "Fake it till you make it." Sure, you might mess up and go overboard. You might look like a huge asshole a few times. That is okay. It is part of the learning curve. However, that is the chance you need to take. in life, you will piss people off. It is bound to happen. That is OKAY. If you are insecure about that, I'm here right now, giving you permission to piss people off. It is going to be OKAY. REALLY.

Now, next week we will go in depth with the specific actions, posture and all of that. However, before we do, we all need to get this KEY BELIEF down!

What was that belief? Here it is one more time:
You need to believe anything you are going to say or do WILL WORK.

Once you have that belief down, the body language aspect really will take care of itself. However, next weeks blog will address some cool techniques that go along with it. It will also contain a PDF file download, that David DeAngelo himself picked out! 

Talk soon.

Your friend,
Jason

Greetings -

I want to take this opportunity to talk about a concept that is widely overlooked when we talk about communicating with women.  We always are asking for good lines, conversation topics, body posture tips, where to meet women, and a host of other important things. 

But something that often gets forgotten about is something I call “talking to emotions”.  What this means, is the particular way in which you develop sentences when talking to women, that will make them feel a much more emotional reaction on the inside.  I don’t mean WHAT you are talking about, because it could really be anything at all, but its HOW you talk about it.  You can be talking to a woman, and describe the same event, or story, in a few different ways, and each different way will drastically change the way you make her feel as you are talking to her.

This idea that I am talking about is mostly used when talking to women online, because talking online gives you time to think about what you are going to say, and how to word it just right, and it also gives her the time to read, and re-read what you wrote at her own pace, letting each different word slowly sink in and pull on her emotional strings.  This concept, however, can and SHOULD be used ANYTIME that you are talking to a woman, whether it is by e-mail, phone, or in person…..even morse code, too.

What I am going to do is share a few excerpts from a story that a friend of mine wrote.  This friend is an excellent writer, not just because of the ideas for the stories, but for the ways they are presented.  I’m going to assume that most men DO NOT naturally speak in tongue in the same fashion that this story is written, so I am going to present a topic, and show you what most normal guys would say to describe it, and then show how my talented writing friend described the same event.


EXAMPLE 1:  “Amanda lay on the bed, sleeping.  Her hair was kinda messy, and it looked pretty hot.”

NOW TRY THIS:  “Amanda’s face looked soft and innocent; a dark strand of hair fell across her face, stark in contrast to her pale skin.”


Essentially, the same information was given in both statements, but I’m sure you can see the difference between the two.  One of them just told you the information, but the other one made it much easier to picture the setting in your mind.  The use of certain words like “soft”, and “dark strand” don’t just come naturally to us as we are speaking, or typing (unless you’re a pretty good writer).  What exactly is a “soft face anyway?  Is there such a thing as a “hard face”?  It takes some thinking outside the box to be able to think of those things to say.  Here’s another one:



EXAMPLE 2:  “She had always kind of liked Lynn, anyway, but now that she had showered, put on some new clothes, and had her hair done up nice, she thought she looked great.”

NOW TRY THIS:  “She’d always thought Lynn had been good looking, but she looked even better now, clean and pretty.  Her dark hair shone under the fluorescent lights, making it look soft and shiny.  Amanda had to resist the urge to run her fingers through it.”




The second statement really makes you FEEL what’s going on.  You don’t even know what the character looks like, but you can already see in your mind how pretty she looks.  The whole setting just breathes a good vibe….ESPECIALLY to women.  Saying things like “dark hair shone” and “soft and shiny” and “resist the urge to run her fingers through it”….those kinds of lines can make women feel a much higher emotional attachment to the situation, than if you just blandly and basically describe the situation directly.


LAST EXAMPLE:  “They went slow this time, and it was all kisses and moans and soft touches.  Amanda kissed a trail down Lynn’s neck, across her stomach, and then even lower.  Lynn gasped and tangled her fingers in Amanda’s dark brown hair, arching off the bed.  And then the older woman’s fingers were sliding along the inside of Amanda’s thigh, finding their goal and working purposefully.  Amanda groaned into the kiss, and Lynn pressed harder, pushed her fingers in deeper.  They moved together, twisting beneath the white, cotton sheets.”


Now, first of all, I’m not going to even bother TRYING to adapt that situation into how a normal guy would explain it.  I’m sure you can see for yourself WHY that paragraph would invoke a strong emotion inside a woman.  Hell, it invokes a strong emotional reaction out of ME. 

The thing you notice, is how every movement is described in a very sensual and physical manner.  Certain words simply make a story sexier.  “Sliding” is better than “moving”.  “Tangled” is better than “grabbed”.  “Kissed a trail down her neck” is better than “kissed along her neck”.  See what I’m getting at here?  This is the kind of thing you see in women’s romance novels.  Women like romance novels, and now you see why.  They read this kind of language and can actually SEE the women making love.  They can visualize the soft touches and the sliding fingers and the tangling of hair.  And just getting a clear picture of that stuff, while reading or listening to a soothing story, invokes an emotion that most men NEVER are able to get out of a women. 

Now of course, most men are not gifted writers.  And I don’t expect every guy to instantly transform into Don Juan overnight.  But if you even thumb through a romance novel, just to see examples of this kind of writing, you will get a better idea of how to speak to women in a way that will spark her emotions.  This is a GREAT advantage to have, because you could be talking about something that does not involve you AT ALL, but if you are able to use words and describe things in a way that will make her imagine them in a deep, sensual way, she will have a great feeling while listening to you talk. 

Emotion is a drug, and like other drugs, it is addicting.  If you experience an emotion you enjoy, while you are doing something….you are going to do that something again, to experience the emotion again.  She will want to be in your presence now, more and more, if for no other reason than the fact that you sparked an awesome thing inside of her with your ability to tell a story.  Obviously you aren’t going to meet a woman in a coffee shop and start talking about women making love on a bed (or maybe you will), but this concept can really be applied to ANYTHING you are talking about. 

Go ahead and read a few stories, just to get a grasp of the kinds of words to use.  There are also some PUA out there who specialize in this topic, primarily applying it to meeting women on the internet.  Imagine a woman e-mails you and asks you what you do, and you reply by describing your job in a manner somewhat like the one I just showed you.  It is HIGHLY likely that she will want to meet you after she reads that.  First of all, most men don’t know how to communicate in that sexually appetizing style.  And secondly, she is thinking that if you know how to TALK in a sensual, sexually attractive way, that you probably also know how to ACT in a sensual, sexually attractive way.


-Baddvantage

(Here is the one-off blog written by lawrence. It was brought out from the vault. It was sent in on December 22, 2006.)

Say what you will about Mystery (and many here have), one thing he doesn't get enough praise for is a kind of social wisdom, a maturity when it comes to dealing with other men. It's readily apparent to anyone who's been out there that likelyhood of major success with women often depends on one's ability for constructive socializing within groups of men. While healthy competition should not be avoided, if at the end of the day the boys look out for each other, things will be good.

Social circles of men with a star quality performer at the center (think Mystery, think the fictional Vincent Chase) are a great way to insure a higher quality and/or quantity of women for all. They are amplifiers of social proof, provide entertainment and (if a regular homebase is available) can create a comfortable atmosphere which eliminates many of the hoops required to connect with women. The complementary personalities and talents of the members involved provide major benefits to the group.

So how is this different from, let's say, a frat, you ask? Well, not everyone's in college, for one. Maybe you're older, or younger. Maybe frats are not your thing for whatever reason. The point is, it seems the "woman" thing is often best attacked at an angle, through a "man" thing. But, again, this model requires utmost maturity, trust, goodwill and character to succeed. When it does the rewards are tremendous.

I have kept this entry general because I hope it stimulates discussion which will bring up specific questions, anecdotes and ideas. This is an area of PU that holds great rewards for both success with women and personal growth.

-lawrence

Last week, Jason apportioned a part of his blog to discuss the fear's of men when it comes to interacting with women. I think approach fear is the backbone of the seduction community, because without it, we would just walk up to women and do what we had to in order to get them. I am going to break down the concept of approach anxiety, to make it easier to understand why we feel the fear, and what we can do about it.

Fear is a survival mechanism.

Some members may have seen me post in the forum on this idea before, but its important that everyone understands that this is a truth. Everyone wants to know why they feel initial fears of approaching women, and how to eliminate them. The good news, is that every single man is born with this fear. BORN with it. The bad new is, you cannot just eliminate it. Its primitive. Back in the days when we were hunting and gathering primates, every "pack" of humans had men and women. If a man wasn't already hitched with one of these women, then he would try to mate with whichever of them that he saw fit. If for some reason, the woman of his choosing was already hitched, then her mate would kill the poor single guy. Additionally, if a single man tried to mate with a woman, and for whatever reason, she found him to be not of her liking, she would reject him, this giving him the label within the tribe as a "reject". A woman would be looked down upon for mating with a reject, therefore, NONE of the women in this tribe would then ever mate with the man, leaving him unable to produce offspring in his tribe.

As a result of this, we men have naturally been embedded with the primal fear of approaching women, because we would not want to get killed by their potential other mate, and because we would not want to be outcasts in our tribe. It makes perfect sense, it was a survival mechanism. The problem with that, is that we obviously no longer live in tribes, so that particular fear is illogical.....even though its still there in all of us.

Being that it is hard-wired into our brains from generation to generation, there is no simple method to just eliminate it completely. The only thing we can do, is recognize the fear, notice it as it is building up inside of us, and objectify it. "OK, here is this approaching fear coming up again inside of me...I don't know why I feel it because I know what I want to say to this girl, and I know she likes me, but yet I'm still afraid"

It IS, however, possible to SUPPRESS the fears of approaching. They will always brew inside us to some extent, as many well established PUA in the community have admitted. But, if you can objectify it, and realize that it isn't a legitimate fear, then you can work around it. Ask yourself...what is there really to fear in approaching a woman? There are always other factors involved, of course, but basically it all comes down to fear that she will reject your advances....or that she will actually be receptive, but you don't know what to do while talking to her, and you look like a fool.

If a woman rejects your advances, as we all know, it means nothing. You just walk away. We already know this, and we already know that if we did the right thing in the approach (basically just being a friendly person talking to another friendly person), that it isn't something we did wrong, nor should we feel we did anything wrong. Could be any one of a thousand things within the woman that made her reject the advance. And if you DID approach and it IS going well, but you stumble along the way, and just eject from the situation...pat yourself on the back. You had the BALLS to approach, and she was probably into it....but a lack of experience probably led you to trip up. Again, you just walk away, knowing that you learned something valuable.

You must be able to walk away from a situation and also learn from whatever didn't work right, or what DID work right. This will help you approach in the future, despite your fears, because you know that if you screw up, you will gain a valuable piece of knowledge. The sooner you can get that lodged into your brain, the sooner you will be able to make the approach, even though you can feel that pit in your stomach growing larger, you know that even if it goes terrible, you're still gaining experience.

One other interesting method of learning to suppress the fears, is by doing a handful of intentionally botched approaches beforehand. If you are going out, for basically the purpose of "sarging", the first thing you can do is go up to a handful of different women, bite the bullet, because you will feel that pit inside your stomach, and be ridiculous with her and see how long it takes her to blow it off. It can be kind of fun, especially with friends, if you all think of the ridiculous things you can say just to see what a woman's reaction will be, then you will actually be laughing when (and if) she blows you out. The first thing it does, is it warms you up, gets you in the talking mood for the night, and it makes you realize how miniscule the notion is of getting blown out. The other thing is, you will probably see, during this exercise, that some of the women will not outright reject you, and might be MORE attracted to you, no matter what you do to try and intentionally mess things up. When that happens, it can be a real eye opener to how a lot of times, it isn't what you say to a woman, but a lot depends on her mood as well, and some women can be very friendly and social no matter what's going on.

Keep these things in mind, next time you are going for an approach, and you feel that overwhelming sense of impending doom come over you. Remember that it isn't just you, it happens to every man, regardless of their experience level. Also remember that you aren't looking for your eternal soul mate right there wherever you are, but what you're actually looking for is experience, a piece of information. If you do that, you should find the approach a lot less overwhelming. Finally, if you're going out on the town just to meet women, go work a number of intentionally ridiculous approaches (NOT at the place that you plan on going, but before you get there), and just talk to the women, with the full intent that you're not trying to get anything out of it. You'd be surprised how that kind of thing will warm you up and change your mood.

Hopefully, you will have an easier, less apprehensive feeling in your future approaches with women.

Stay well,

Baddvantage

I have spent the night looking back on my past. I would like to tell you guys a story. Gather around the campfire.

When I first started having success with women due to David DeAngelo's, "Double Your Dating" and his programs, it happened rather quickly. I met 3 VERY attractive women all at once. All within the same week. So naturally I started running my new skills on them. I called them all up and made plans with all 3 of them. My dance card was getting pretty full, so to speak.

After a few weeks of dating these 3 hot women, I decided I wanted to focus on one of them. So I first decided to pick one and become exclusive with her. Well, after awhile of being exclusive, it wasn't working. I was becoming something I didn't want to be. I was turning back into being a wussy. I quickly bitch slapped myself and walked away from this "relationship." To make matters worse, when I went back to connect again with the other 2 women, they had both moved on.

The end.

So you are probably saying, "Jason, that story sucked! Where was the happy ending? Or at the very least a cool fight scene?" Yes I agree, the story did suck. However, I didn't tell it just to tell it. I told it to bring up a topic that often is forgotten. It is the topic of picking which works better for you:

Dating Several Women Vs. Dating One Woman otherwise known as: Having Options Vs. Having a Long Term Relationship

Now sure I could go into a home-brewed Quack Psych Analysis really quickly here. I could talk about how every guy should stick with having options. However, that isn't the truth of the matter.

In my story earlier, I didn't mention the best part. The best part was what I learned from it. I learned that I made one big mistake. I didn't stick with what was working. I suddenly got this craving to have some fantasy LTR instead of sticking with what worked. Now I'm not saying every guy on this site should run from relationships. Those who know me well know that isn't my view at all. I just want to see everyone stick with what is working. Think of it like this: If I could push a button every day and get a pot of gold, a new car, and 100000 hot women, why would I stop? If it was giving me that much success, why would I quit? Logically I wouldn't. So the point is, when it comes to dealing with picking between options and long term relationships, go with what works. If you are a person who can totally be devoted to one person, screen the women well and good luck finding "the one." However, if you want to date around and keep your options open, good luck doing that!

The point is: STICK WITH WHAT WORKS.

Now how does this moral of sticking with what works relate to fear? Well a lot of times us guys miss out on something great due to fear. It is the thing that can hold us back from SO much! I'm sure we ALL have stories of wanting to approach a woman, but because of fear, we couldn't. Maybe it was fear of rejection. Maybe it was fear of violence. Maybe it was fear of something else. However, fear isn't limited to the approach. Fear can also come into the picture when dealing with a man's outlook on his situation with women. If he is coming from a mindset of scarcity and fear of losing someone, it becomes so much harder to maintain being the guy that got the woman's interest in the first place. Fear will creep up on you when you aren't ready for it. And until you erase fear out of your reality all together, when dealing with women and relationships, it will hang around. Do I have your attention? Do you want to know how to make that happen for you? Well, it is possible. And that will be addressed IN DETAIL next week. However, in the mean time, remember: STICK WITH WHAT WORKS.

To Be Continued.........

Your friend,

Jason

You don’t have to be a pick-up artist to understand oneitis, but first you have to know what it is. Since we won’t be seeing the word in the new edition of Oxford or Webster any time soon, we have to go straight to the source; it is a PUA term in the first place. A quick search of the ASF dictionary describes oneitis as “a disorder commonly found in Average Frustrated Chumps (AFC’s), that forces them to think that one chick is so special that they’ll do ANYTHING to get in their panties.” Self-explanatory. The suffix “-itis” infers it is a disease, and therefore should be treated as such.

At its simplest, oneitis is something we all know as males and have experienced to some degree. It might be the reason you got into the seduction community, or you may be sick with it right now. It’s typically characterized by one guy clinging to one girl, while he kisses her ass, buys her gifts, pays her compliments and engages in the “courting” process. Of course, even an experienced PUA may suffer from oneitis in a much subtler way, causing a certain woman to consume his thoughts and control his behavior. It could occur for several reasons: he is inexperienced in dealing with women, infatuated by this particular one, sees desirable qualities in her that fit his description of “the perfect woman;” truer still, she may be leading him on, or give him a feeling of comfort that he’s attached to. This is usually rationalized by the man in many different ways, but ultimately it comes down to the fact that she is controlling him indirectly or manipulating him directly.

Oneitis is one of the few things you can learn about dealing with women that’s straightforward and logical; with a basic understanding of it, I would say it’s fairly unreasonable for a man to succumb to it lest he is blind to his own faults. Inner game is key, and keeping your emotions in check is extremely important. That’s one half of the puzzle; the other is knowing your goals. As a PUA, whether your purpose is looking for a relationship or not, subjecting yourself to oneitis is not congruent with your goals. Its formula is the antithesis of the most fundamental concepts of attracting women, and many of said concepts were designed to avoid it specifically.

With oneitis, you cannot progress to the next step of attraction. The woman holds all the power, whether you feel that way or not. The mindset this disorder drags you into actively makes you unattractive, and this self-appointed stature shines through in all of your interactions with the girl. Your best bet to prevent it is to set goals for yourself, so you have something clear to work toward and catch yourself as the symptoms surface, since they are presumably far removed from your objective. If it has already arisen, you must be conscious of it and go cold turkey. Continuing with oneitis once you are aware of it is like willfully poisoning yourself. Move on, make yourself more desirable – this is the only antidote. If you become more attractive, she might come running back, but the priority is the understanding that oneitis is inherently unattractive. However, once you leave the unhealthy position, you’re more likely to see the flaws of the once-perfect woman you were head-over-heels in lust with.

If you’re on and off with a woman and she’s obviously playing around, you have to ask yourself what you want from the relationship, which will help you see that your oneitis does not work in favor of whatever you may desire. Just work on your inner and outer game, go sarge as much as possible while keeping her out of your head, and you’ll be closer to a wider variety of women with less fear of the approach and less reason to cling to one woman. As they say, there’s plenty of fish in the sea…

At the end of the day, you have to know what you want out of your endeavors as a pick-up artist. When you inevitably tread the raging waters of oneitism, merely observe the situation objectively and you’ll see its futility. You’ll also notice a pattern, which will help you stop it from happening again. Oneitis will only end up with you marrying the woman, being miserable, or being a wuss all over again – stop it now, for your own sake.

- Snuffleupagus Deluxe

What exactly does it mean to be a pickup artist?

Well for one, you’re good at the pickup of women.  But to first be good at pickup, you have to be good right?  Right.  Many have the misconception that “learning a few lines” can get them laid or that taking a workshop or watching material or reading books on the art of seduction will be like waving a wand over their sex life and viola, everything is in order.  Think back to high school.  Who were the successful kids?  The ones who did the homework and studied right?  Now think.  Who are the successful pickup artists?  Those who do the work and learn, and try new things.

This brings us to the next part of the word.  ARTIST …  An artist doesn’t do what others do, he doesn’t continue using the same material, an artists is always inventing himself and doing different and new things, which is needed in the art of pickup anyways.  How many guys have heard a routine and tried it on women?  Hundreds…  Thousands…  Women are hit on, on average of 15-30 times a day.  Either directly or indirectly.  So what makes you any different than any other “average guy” who hit on her before you?  The purpose is to be different.  This whole “game” is an art, and thus, since we are aspiring to be better and different, we are “artists”.

Keep in mind now, a PUA or Pick UP Artist isn’t a natural.  We all at some point had and LOST the manly social skills that MADE us naturals.  PUA’s are not naturals.  They’re average guys or AFC’s who weren’t getting laid because they didn’t understand the game or didn’t try, that finally got their act together.  For a natural, pickup is easy.  He only has to have a vague knowledge about body language, and know how people in general work.   Along with several other traits.  But since we as PUA’s lost those abilities at some point, we now have to spend the time learning the techniques to aid us in our picking up.  But where does one start?  Go out.

When you go out to public places like the library, the bookstore, the grocery store, malls, bars and clubs, and any other social place where the masses gather, you’re going to see all sorts of people, ugly women, attractive women, uptight girls, easy girls, chumps, PUA’s, players and naturals.  Eventually you will get to distinguish the difference when you get out more on who is who and what game they have. Sometimes you’ll think a guy is a natural, but really he’s not.   But if you can find a natural, who excels in the pickup, watch him, and when he’s alone (if at all) approach him and make friends with him.  Learn from a natural.  Outside of tracing down material to learn from as you’re doing now, learning from people who are good at the “game” will only help you improve yours.  And thus your long road to gaining back the skillset in dealing with women that you lost over time for whatever reason will begin.

- michaelwayne